We’re not meant to do life alone.
My pride always made me think otherwise. Living in New York, I grew accustomed to being on my own, and accepted that no one will care about my life as much as I do. At first, that thought really hurt me. The amount of time and faith I invested into the people in my life, I wanted it to be reciprocated. I wanted to believe in and experience the unwavering and unconditional loyalty from the people I loved, but more and more I realized that was a lot to ask of people. I’d be disappointed time and time again, and stopped putting my trust into people all together. I thought I can do life on my own, and I don’t need the support of anybody else. Even when it came to family, the fact that I only saw my parents once or twice a year made me feel so distant and isolated. These thoughts of disconnect and instability made me unsettled for months, if not years.
For the longest time, I have been battling whether or not I want to stay in Los Angeles or move back to New York. I’ll create lists of pros and cons for both locations, and always come up with I don’t know. A part of me kept feeling like New York had more growth opportunities for me, and that I should have given it a little more time, but the other part of me had a strong feeling there was a very specific reason I moved back to Los Angeles at the time I did. Truth is, I’m always going to have these thoughts. The consequence that comes with living in two incredibly different, but equally amazing places for a significant amount of time, is not knowing which place is more suitable for you. The what if factor is always hovering over you, and you can’t come to a conclusion, but that’s just life. The “grass is always greener on the other side” cliche may be overused, but it’s just part of our being to think this way; to be unsatisfied with what you have right in front of you, and to constantly look ahead to what currently isn’t within reach.
Two weekends ago, at Coachella, I looked at what was right in front of me, and it brought me a lot of clarity. I’m not gonna be that girl that says “OMG Coachella was a life changing experience”, and I’d like to think there is a more significant moment that comes I can truly call life-changing, but it was definitely a weekend I will always remember. For three days, I felt like a complete kid again. I was carefree and my sense of reality momentarily drifted away. All of the stress and anxiety ruling over my life the past several months vanished; I didn’t care if it would only last a few days, I embraced every minute of it. But more than the setting and the actual experience of the festival, it was the people I was with that made all the difference. It was this group of people I’ve come to appreciate and love during my year back in LA that showed me life wasn’t meant to do alone. A year ago, 15 out of the 17 people I was with did not exist in my life, but now I can’t imagine doing life without them. A lot of shit has happened the past couple months, which made me question why I was out here, and why these things were happening to me, but if there was a singular reason I was brought out here last May, it was because these strangers were going to enter my life and make me redefine what matters. The people I have met the past year, and the people who have been by my for the majority of my life have show me what genuine, life long relationships look like, friendships I became jaded to and forgot existed. It’s a bond that has been years in the making, and I’m just lucky to be a part of it.
As a twenty two year old, I’m just starting to figure life out, as is every one else my age. I’m thinking about my career, my future, my potential, where life can take me in the next few years. That is definitely where my main focus should be, but I’m realizing it’s not all about that. The amount of success I achieve and the wealth I attain cannot purchase the relationships I’ve built, the moments that were shared and all the memories that were made; each experience is unique and they can’t be recreated. I’ve experienced some of the happiest moments of my life, and have been able to get through some of the most taxing periods of my life because of the constant love and support pouring out from the people around me. Call me naive, but I think that’s worth sticking around for.
Life is not meant to be done alone, and you’re lying to yourself if you think you can. Appreciate the people who reach out to you and show you love because you don’t know how drastically they can change your life. I’m grateful beyond measure for the people who have sown into me and graced me with their presence in my life because each and every one of them make me better.