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MustardSeed

When you sit down on a chair, you don’t think twice about whether or not it will keep you upright as it should, you believe gravity will hold you up. When you feel a breeze, you know the wind is blowing. You can’t see it, but you don’t question its existence. That kind of innate instinct and unwavering trust is what faith should look like. I always find it hard to explain the concept of faith because it is something so complex and personal. I’m not one to force my faith on others because I believe it is something intimate that cannot be demanded, but I do believe faith is something worth sharing.

I was baptized at birth and was raised in a Christian family. I grew up attending church on a weekly basis and always involved myself in church activities; I was on praise team, helped out at summer camps, attended bible studies, etc. I didn’t entirely know why i was doing what I was doing or what I really believed in, but I went through the motions because that’s what I knew to be right. As I got older and became more exposed to the world, I became conflicted and questioned where my values really lied and whether my faith was built out of default or because of my genuine belief. I had to separate my participatory faith and my real faith. During high school I had several opportunities to get baptized again as an adult, but I always found myself reluctant. I wanted to recommit my life when I was ready and when I knew what I believed in.

I have been incredibly blessed to hear some incredible testimonies about how God has completely changed people’s lives; life stories from people who were once gangsters, drug addicts, alcoholics, but turned a 180 once they accepted Christ, praise reports of healing from physical, mental, emotional ailments, testimonies of near-death experiences where God offered a second chance at life. Hearing these testimonies, I’d alway feel humbled and deeply encouraged, but I would always find myself wondering when my “moment” would come; that moment where God becomes so real to me and nothing could hinder my belief. I’d go to every retreat, praise night, service expecting for that revelation to come, and would find myself disappointed. The funny thing was that while I was searching for that “moment”, God was already doing radical things in my life that I was missing out on because my focus was elsewhere. I wasn’t recognizing what he was giving me directly because I was paying too much attention to what he was giving to someone else. But faith isn’t about someone else. It’s not about another person’s life, what struggles they’ve gone through and how they’ve overcome them through their beliefs. Faith is personal. It’s based on what you believe and what you know to be true.

I may not have a crazy story, but that’s okay. God became real in my life in silence and when I was completely alone. It wasn’t a climactic moment where something dramatic happened, it was just a solitary moment where I knew that my life would not and could not be fulfilling without His presence. I knew I could live my life by my own means but I would always come up empty. On April 15, 2013, at the age of 20 years old, I was ready to re-commit.

My values and beliefs are what drive my life and what keep me grounded. I know there will be times I find myself slipping and depending on worldly things to offer me comfort and satisfaction, but I’ll always come back to the same place. When I’m going through a funk and I don’t know why, I’ll look at where my spiritual life stands and 99% of the time, it is because I have been negligent and withdrawing. When I chose to get baptized, it was a huge “moment” for me, not because something monumental happened, but because the faith I presumably believed in for 20 years finally became real to me.

Everyone is going to have a different story, but it doesn’t make one greater than the other, so there is no need to look at someone else’s faith and wish their story was your own. That’s the beauty of having faith in something. Once you believe in it, no one can take it away.

Faith as small as a mustard seed can move mountains.

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