look for the silver lining

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In the past year and nine months I’ve lived in Los Angeles, I moved four times. That sounds terrible, right? Trust me, it was. I’ve basically lived my life out of suitcases, never wanting to fully unload anything in case I had to pick up and move again. It made me feel like a nomad, never really settling, just wandering. I’ve desperately wanted a place I can really call home, a place I’m excited to go back to, a place I find comfort and rest. I clearly remember the feelings I had every time I moved. Feelings of regret that I moved to LA in the first place, exhaustion, loneliness. I was spending so much time dwelling in my own self pity that I was missing what was really happening.

As I prepare to make my fifth (and hopefully last for a while) move, I am realizing how incredibly lucky I have been up to this point. Whenever I was looking for a place, it kind of just fell in my lap. I asked for it and I received, and I knew in my heart it wasn’t just a coincidence. I was always being taken care of and, despite my feelings of anxiety and stress, I knew things would be okay. This time around, it happened again. I was looking for a place, but knew that I needed to live with someone else to be able to afford it. Just as I was actively searching, and sending out nearly twenty emails a day, two of my good girl friends were in the same boat as me. Within a week, we secured our new place. I’m still in shock of how it all happened so quickly and seamlessly, but it did. I’m not going to question it, I’m just going to always remember to have a heart of gratitude and understand that a lot of things that are given to me are not deserved, but provided by grace.

So where am I going with this?….Always look for the silver lining. I may just be talking about my experience with housing, but this is something that is applicable to everything. Despite whatever troubling situation we may face, there is always the brighter side, the side that we may not see in the moment because we’re so caught up with focusing on what the issue is rather than thinking about the solution. I’m so guilty of this and it is what has caused so much anxiety, fear, unhappiness for several years.

Recently, a friend of mine introduced me to the Law of Attraction, the concept that like attracts like and that by focusing on positive things, we can attract positive energy into our lives. In the same way, if we’re constantly thinking about the negative and living in doubt, more often than not, we’ll attract negative experiences into our lives. At first I was skeptical and I wasn’t sure I really believed it, but I started to try practicing it. It started with the little things. I’d wake up and audibly say everything I was grateful for. I’d tell myself I was going to have a great day and would get excited about even the smallest things like not facing traffic. When something unsettling would come up, I’d take a deep breath and try to fix it with a hopeful attitude. I am a person who struggles with anxiety, so this was a little tough, but I would constantly remind myself to not get worked up, but think positively. It was a lot of It’s okay, debs. No worries. It will get done. I sort of felt like a crazy person constantly talking to myself, but you know what, it worked. I was starting to see movement in my life. Granted, a lot of things I was initiating, but even that in itself was something different, something really great. I had been living in fear and doubt, never wanting to step into the unknown, but I’m realizing more and more that you just have to take that leap of faith. You have to believe that what you set your mind to and will in your life will come to you if it’s meant to be.

Through all of this, I’ve been learning a lot about myself the past month and things have surfaced that I never even noticed affected me in the past. I have lived with a lot of fears. Fears of failure, fears of never falling in love, fears of commitment, the list goes on, but someone I really respect said something today that resonated with me. He said, I think the fear of what you want isn’t cause of what it is, but because you’re afraid it’ll fail to meet your expectations.” It was true. I was too scared of what could happen, that I wasn’t even willing to try. All of these realizations and moments of understanding have resulted in a crazy rollercoaster of emotions, but it has also been the most eye opening experience. I’m actually starting to address the issues I see in my life instead of pretending they’re not there, and making conscious decisions to do something about them. It’s always making the first step that’s the hardest, but that first step is probably the best you’ll make in your life. The past year and half has definitely been one of the most difficult periods of my life, but I’ve learned so much and grown in ways I never thought possible. Especially when I look back, I’m in shock of how far I’ve come. So yes, some of the things I’ve gone through have wrecked me, but in the end, it made me a stronger person and I wouldn’t change that for anything.
Look for the silver lining. It’s always there.

 

 

 

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