with those who are closest to you, who have made an unforgettable mark in your life, it’s hard to ever let go. when you start to feel a disconnect, when things start to go awry, when discomfort starts to creep up, you may want to flip a u-turn desperately trying to salvage what’s left. our human nature doesn’t want to feel absence, conflict, or pain, so we grab onto the things that make us feel most ourselves, most comfortable, most loved, even if life is taking a different turn. but.. i’ve found that letting go is sometimes the best thing you can do for that person and for yourself. some people were only meant to be in your life for a moment. some moments longer than others. even if it feels impossible to see it that way and you don’t think you’ll ever be able to get past it, life continues to move forward, and you will either ride the wave or you’ll get ripped away by the tide. there are things you can’t control even if you so badly want to. things that you had always imagined and thought you wanted, but when it’s right in front of you, you can’t figure out why your heart desires something else. you may beat yourself up about it and desperately search for some kind of explanation, but the answer is that.. it’s okay. it’s okay to not understand why your mind doesn’t connect with your heart. it’s okay to feel confused and it’s okay to be selfish for yourself at times when it comes to your happiness. i’ve spent the majority of my life tip toeing around conflict and not wanting to hurt the people i love and care about. it wasn’t confrontation i was afraid of, it was the potential of being unable to recover that i hated facing. but over time i’ve realized that i’m only leaving room for more hurt, resentment, disappointment.
it was so hard for me to get to this place because the feeling of loss was something that cut me so deep. whether it was with friendships, family members, relationships, even crushes, i weighed so heavily on who they were to me. even when i had become such an insignificant part of their lives, an after thought in their minds, i’d lie to myself and i’d hold onto the hope that what once was could one day become again, or something that was never going to be would magically take a turn. but when you come face to face with the truth, you find that people inevitably change, the impact that you have on each other lessens and sometimes you just can’t see eye to eye anymore. you end up hurting each other even more in trying to hold onto something that has already been tainted.
be honest with yourself. regardless of the voices that cloud your mind, the opinions people impose on you about how you should live your life, the advice that you never actually asked for, be truthful to what your heart is telling you. in the end, all you have is yourself, and i don’t mean that in a depressing or negative way. it’s a reality that took me far too long to figure out. people come and go, even the ones you were so confident would be in your life forever. the person i am or the person i become may affect those around me to an extent, but it’s never as much as i think it is. the only sure thing and the only person who has to live with myself is me and the only one i will have to answer to is God. because of that, i’ve learned the importance of protecting my values, my thoughts, my heart.